Trust...Wait...Believe...Pray...Seek
I am thankful for the 10 weeks I had to process all this before we told people we are pregnant. It has been quite a journey.
At first, when I found out I am pregnant, I realized that I was allowing the adoption process to steal my joy at being pregnant, which is what I have wanted all along! The joy stealers in my mind were wondering what people will say, what to do about the adoption, wondering if I even want to adopt now, wondering what people who have prayed and sacrificed for our adoption will say or think. Mostly I was not looking forward to people's reaction and asking about what we were going to do about adoption now. So silly. When I realized how these wrong thoughts were draining my energy and joy I was able to push them aside and enjoy the journey a whole lot more.
Later on in the process, I have struggled with lots of why questions: why didn't we go with a different organization that didn't want all the money up front, why didn't God stop us, why did we go down this road, why didn't we hear God better???
Other questions and struggles have been about seeking God's will and His control in our lives. I have wondered if we heard God wrong and we weren't even supposed to be on this road at all. I have wondered if we were rushing things instead of taking God's pace and thus ending up here. I have wondered if we were like Abraham taking things into his own hands to have a son.
It seems that most of the life lessons that God teaches me end up with TRUST ME! Over and over again I am reminded that God is in control no matter what road I walk down. God has reminded me that He orders my steps no matter what my plans are. We don't know the eternal ramifications of this whole adoption process or this journey. We don't know if I will deliver a healthy baby. We don't know if we will adopt. We don't even know if we will be here tomorrow. We don't know where this road is leading. But I need to continue taking each step trusting, seeking, praying and believing that God is my guide and will take care of me all the way!
2 comments:
Congrats on your baby :) and yes you never know what God will do or how or when! So happy for you! Think of this song as you go through your journey! Jason Gray's song we got to hear at the homecoming is my favorite and very relevant. No matter where you go, who is with you, if it turns out the way you thought or not -- with our Redeemer, nothing is wasted! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l26UoD-N2hA
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